LIFESTYLE- Just because you’re feeling lonely in your marriage, it doesn’t mean that you have a one-way ticket to the divorce court.
Neither do you just have to accept the status quo.
Let’s take a look at some ways you can reconnect with your spouse, reopen the channels of true communication, and rediscover the closeness and intimacy you seek.
1. Check in on yourself first.
Remember that you are an individual, not just one half of a couple.
Take a look at your own life outside of your relationship. Has work been taking its toll? Have you been having difficulty sleeping?
Try to take some time for yourself that doesn’t involve your husband/wife. Take a day’s leave, take a bath, go to a dance/exercise class, meditate.
Nurturing yourself is as important as nurturing your marriage, even if that’s your ultimate aim.
Focusing on yourself and your own well-being will give you strength and resilience as you take steps to regain the closeness you crave in your marriage.
2. Make the first move.
It’s very easy to believe that you’re the only one who is feeling aggrieved and isolated in your marriage.
In fact, there’s every chance that your spouse is experiencing the same feelings of loneliness.
If each party believes that the other should notice the growing chasm – “they would see if they really cared” – it’s very easy for pride and stubbornness to get in the way and for things to reach a stalemate.
Someone has to make the first move to cross the divide that’s opened up.
That someone may as well be you.
But it doesn’t need to be a dramatic gesture; in fact, it’s better if it’s not. Baby steps are all that’s needed.
If you’re out walking, just slip your hand into your spouse’s or deliver a surprise kiss while they’re busy with some chore or other (offering to help them complete the task might be a wise idea, too).
3. Re-open the dialogue.
Communication in a marriage can easily become very ‘transactional,’ discussing only the practical necessities of kids, finances, work, chores, etc.
Try to introduce different topics into dinner conversations, rather than the mundane day-to-day stuff.
Try to find out how your partner feels about deeper issues other than how the kids are doing and who’s going to pay the electricity bill.
There’s no need to struggle when coming up with ideas
4. Be honest and show your feelings.
A great way to connect with someone who loves you is by showing your vulnerability.
As your feelings of isolation grow, it’s easy to put up barriers by being strong and independent, which only deepens the divide.
Showing your true feelings can be a revelation to your partner. It may be that they are very literal and aren’t blessed with an intuitive nature. Perhaps they need things spelled out in order to ‘get’ how you really feel.
5. Spend time together.
It’s surprising how easy it is, even for a really ‘couply’ couple, to drift apart over time.
Life has a way of creeping in and putting a wedge firmly between husband and wife, especially when you both work and there are kids to be cared for and kept entertained
When children are the priority, it’s easy for a marriage to play second fiddle and ultimately for one partner to feel ignored, unappreciated, and excluded.
If you add a demanding work schedule into the mix, it’s a recipe for division, exclusion, and isolation.
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